This is something I talk to parents about a lot. Many of my lovely clients have tried really hard to make changes and improve sleep for their little ones but just can’t make progress. This can feel incredibly discouraging especially when they have followed a method to the letter and still find themselves with frequent night wakes, long bedtimes, or a distressed child.
The truth is, sleep training doesn’t fail because parents fail. It often “doesn’t work” because sleep is far more complex than just choosing a sleep training method and giving it a go. Well-meaning parents frequently implement self-soothing techniques in isolation without considering all of the other factors that can impact a child’s sleep.
Below is an overview of the main reason I see sleep training “not working”.
1) Sleep is more than just night-time behaviour
Sleep training often focuses on what happens at bedtime, but what happens in the day time is just as important. Key factors that influence the consolidation of sleep at night include:
- Daytime structure and placement of naps.
- Total sleep needs of your child (this is different for every child and often much lower than you would think).
- Feeding efficiency, placement of feeds and number of feeds throughout the day (milk and solids).
- Sensory needs of different children.
- Age appropriate daytime stimulation.
Inconsistency with routines and feeding has a huge impact on consolidation of sleep at night. If these underlying pieces aren’t addressed and optimised, no method, no matter how well followed, will be effective long term.
2) Consistency between caregivers is critical
Another common reason sleep training doesn’t work is inconsistency between caregivers.
This might look like:
- One parent responding to night wakes straight away while the other prefers to wait a bit longer.
- Different settling techniques being used at bedtime to those being used in the daytime.
- A nanny, grandparent or daycare using different schedules or settling methods.
Children thrive on predictability. When responses vary, it sends mixed signals and makes it harder for them to understand what’s expected.
3) Sleep training is not one size fits all.
There are many sleep training approaches, from responsive methods to more structured ones, and none of them are universally effective for every child. A method that works beautifully for one baby may be completely unsuitable for another.
Why? Because children are individuals and we have to respect each child’s individual needs and temperament. For example:
- Some children are highly sensitive and struggle with changes.
- Others are more adaptable and respond quickly to structure.
- Some need a gradual approach; others do better with faster, more structured approaches.
When the method doesn’t suit the child’s temperament, sleep training can feel ineffective or even make sleep worse as temperament plays a huge role in how a child responds to sleep training. For example:
- A highly alert, intense child may escalate quickly with methods that involve separation or crying.
- A slow-to-warm child may need much more time to adjust to new routines.
- A child who relies heavily on parental presence may need a more responsive, slower approach.
Sleep training works best when it respects who the child is, not when it tries to override it.
4) Age and development are often overlooked
A method that may be appropriate for a toddler is often not suitable for an infant, and vice versa. Sleep training may “not work” when:
- A baby is developmentally too young.
- Toddlers’ emotional and sensory needs are not addressed.
- Sleep expectations are unrealistic for the child’s age
- Older children are not given the structure and boundaries during the day to support changes around sleep at night.
Night waking, early rising, and short naps are often developmentally normal at many ages. When parents are given a method without considering where their child is at developmentally, it can lead to frustration and no improvement in overnight consolidation of sleep for the child.
5) Support
Tring to implement big changes around sleep is hard. Sometimes families need a bit more help and support. A bit like going to the gym and trying to get fit on your own versus having a personal trainer. An extra set of eyes to see things parents may have missed or just some extra accountability to help parents stay consistent can be the difference between success and failure.
So what do sleep consultants do? To be a bit more precise a well-trained practitioner or sleep consultant will:
- Assess and rule out any underlying medical issues.
- Work with families to find methods that will work best for their child.
- Provide support and troubleshooting when implementing changes.
- Work out each child’s individual sleep needs.
- Provide routines and structures to follow that directly impact consolidation of naps and nighttime sleep.
- Ensure adequate nutritional input throughout the day.
- Provide support with feeding and solid food intake.
Some families can absolutely implement changes around sleep without any support. However, if you need support it does not mean you have failed, it just means your circumstances are different. You have a different child and different needs to that of other parents and that is totally fine!
So does sleep training actually not work?
Sleep training doesn’t fail because parents didn’t try hard enough. It “doesn’t work” when:
- The method doesn’t suit the child or family
- Temperament is ignored
- Caregivers aren’t aligned
- Age and development aren’t considered
- The bigger picture of sleep is overlooked
True sleep support isn’t about forcing a child to sleep, it’s about creating the right conditions for sleep to emerge naturally. If you need an extra pair of eyes and a bit more support please don’t hesitate to reach out and book a free call.